i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
