(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
And then he peed in my hair
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