Sry I called you an 8
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
