You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
