my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
