Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
