You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
