Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
