How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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