You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
