I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I will pee on everything he values.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
