Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
