So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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