Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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