oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
