Michael Bay diarrhea
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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