Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
