guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
