I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
