Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
