mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
