Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
