Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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