Will you blow on my dice?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
