can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
