just come out here and I will go home with you...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Randomize
