i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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