She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
