Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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