The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm really busy with my period
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