im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
