Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You have to summon your inner elephant
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
