so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
