I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
A bitchslap is in order.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
