Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
