There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
