why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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