I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
