His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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