What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
