eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
