Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
