I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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