we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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