so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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