thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
