I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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