my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
