We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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