can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
